May 6

Today is my 3 year anniversary with my husband. When we met I weighed 307, and within the first 2 years I got down to 254 and then up to 321 by the time of my surgery.  I am now 250 pounds, which I haven't seen in many years. I am 18 pounds down since my last weigh in at TOPS and I am down 70 pounds since my surgery with 10 more pounds to go before I visit with my doctor in June.  I am amazed that my husband who at the time almost reached his goal would consider loving a woman like me.  He had been married before and all the women he was with were either at their perspective goal weights or maybe a few pounds heavier.  I did not expect him to truly love me through it all but he did, and he never told me to have surgery, and he was very supportive when I decided to have it done.

I love him for never making me feel less because of my weight.  3 years out and I am still amazed by this man, I don't feel good enough often because he works so hard and I'm just not great at it. For example we are working on a gazebo, I can't seem to find motivation or energy to do anything. I should have a spotless house but I don't, I bought a keyboard and haven't played it, I bought paints to paint mason jars and yet haven't gotten started because a part of me feels like it's something I'm not allowed to do while he's slaving away outside.  And yet I don't join him outside.  Today I made a commitment to myself to do something outside. Hopefully on my lunch break I will.

I love this man more than I can tell. I need to do things that show him my love.  Saturday he will be unavailable most of the day, so I will spend the day and clean the house and do some of my projects.  That way he can have a clean home, and I'll try to think of something to cook for him.  Weight has so much to do with so many things.  It has bound me into a personal jail. My own body jail.