Struggles

Today my weight was 255.2, which is a great number except for the fact that I truly don't deserve it.  I have not worked hard enough. I still eat like I don't know what I am supposed to do. My husband thinks I need a hobby so today, I got myself a hobby. I purchased a keyboard piano to practice music so that I don't spend so much time watching TV or worrying about eating. I still try to put too much crap in my body.  It's hard when you feel like you should be able to do certain things and then discover you can't.  I want to eat healthy, but I also want to eat other things at times like beef, but that so far has not agreed with me.   Also too much dairy doesn't agree with me either.  Today I drank too much caffeine, I had gone without it completely but then made a change and decided I could drink 1 caffeinated tea a day, now I drink like 3 a day. NOT GOOD!! I didn't need it. I still don't need it.
This picture is me a very long time ago, like 10 years ago. I must have been in my mid 30's. I had lost almost 200 pounds. I was the best I had ever been. I felt good. I have lost 60 pounds since surgery and I feel better than I have for awhile but I still have 95 more pounds to go, that's too much to become complacent with who I am.  While I will not be this young again I can be fit again. I can be more active, more functioning as a person.